Pan-Roasted Dry-Aged Rib Eye a la Ssam Bar

• One 2- to 2 1/2-pound bone-in rib-eye steak, preferably dry-aged
• Kosher salt and freshly ground black pepper
• 4 tablespoons unsalted buttter
• A few sprigs thyme
• 3 garlic cloves
• 1 medium or 2 small shallots
• Maldon salt

1. Chang’s cooking method is simple:
2. Season it.
3. Sear it.
4. Roast it.
5. Baste it.
6. Rest it.
7. Slice it.
8. Eat it.

*Note, some state health codes prohibit butchers from selling bone-in dry-aged-steaks (something about the pesky marrow spoiling). We love our butcher who did it illegally for us. He also mentioned if your butcher prefers to do things on the up and up, you can buy an aged steak then add a bone of a non-aged steak and cook them together so you get the flavoring and richness from the marrow.

Asian Gnocchi with Lobster

Lobster

• 2 to 3 lobster tails
• 8 to 10 kaffir lime leaves

1. Steam lobsters with kaffir lime leaves (approximately 12 to 15 minutes)
2. Remove from shell and set aside.

Sauce

• Vegetable oil
• 3 garlic cloves, finely chopped
• 5 kaffir lime leaves
• 2 shallots, finely chopped
• 1 inch ginger, finely chopped
• 1/2 cup rice wine vinegar
• 1/3 cup sake or white wine
• 1/2 cup mirin (can sub in extra sake if you can’t find mirin)
• 3 tablespoons each cilantro, mint and Thai basil leaves, chopped
• 1/2 teaspoon sansho pepper
• 2 ounces lime juice
• Zest of 1 lime
• Scallions and toasted coconut to garnish.

1. Saute garlic, shallots and ginger in vegetable oil.
2. Add kaffir lime leaves, vinegar, mirin and sake. Reduce.
3. Add herbs, lime and zest. Cook 8 to 10 minutes.
4. Strain and set aside.

Gnocchi

• 1 package fresh gnocchi or this hand-made 15-minute version
• 8 ounces enoki mushrooms

1. Cook gnocchi per directions.
2. Saute mushrooms in vegetable oil.
3. Add gnocchi and sear both sides.

Assemble and Serve:

1. Add sauce and lobster to the gnocchi and mushrooms.
2. Garnish with scallions and toasted coconut.
3. Serve in a partially steamed bok choy leaf.

Shanghai Stir Fry with Noodles

• 2 teaspoons dark soy sauce
• 2 teaspoons Chinese rice wine or dry sherry
• White pepper, to taste
• 1/2 pound hand-made Shanghai-style noodles (or ready-made fresh udon noodles)
• 1 1/2 teaspoons sesame oil, or as needed
• 1 cup cabbage, shredded
• 1 large clove garlic, peeled and minced
• 1 green onion, chopped
• 6 tablespoons vegetable oil
• 1 tablespoon hoisin sauce thinned with mixed with 1 tablespoon water
• 2 tablespoons oyster sauce
• Small bunch chinese broccoli, chopped
• Small onion, chopped
• 1 green bell pepper, chopped
• 1 hot green chile, finely chopped
• Few drops Sriracha sauce
• 1 teaspoon mayonnaise

1. Boil noodles in large saucepan, stirring to separate, until tender, but still firm. Drain thoroughly. Rinse with cold water, drain again.
2. Toss with the sesame oil.
3. Heat 3 1/2 tablespoons oil in a heavy frying pan or a wok over medium-high to high heat.
4. Add garlic, onion and green chile and stir fry for 2 minutes.
5. Add cabbage, broccoli and bell pepper and stir fry for 2 minutes.
6. Season with a bit of soy sauce, sugar and oyster sauce while stir-frying.
7. Remove from wok and set aside.
8. Heat 1 1/2 tablespoons oil in the wok.
9. Add noodles when oil is hot.
10. Stir fry quickly, stirring to coat the noodles in the oil and make sure they don’t stick to the pan.
11. Add the hoisin sauce, again tossing to coat the noodles.
12. Taste and add soy sauce as desired.
13. Add the green onion and stir to heat through.
14. Place hot noodles on oyster shell and top with vegetable stir fry.
15. Mix a few drop of Sriracha with a teaspoon of mayo and use mixture to dot the top of the stir fry.

Note: Momofuku calls for Bay Leaf Butter, which we switched to lemongrass – not a massive off-roading but frankly we found it sacrilegious to screw with the signature biscuit batter.

Also noted: If you’ve got a kitchen lackey, save this dish for him. The dough process will give you at least two gray hairs (this was tested). The recipe from Chang’s newly released Momofuku:

House-Made English Muffin with Lemongrass Butter

makes 4 dozen

English Muffin

• 2 tablespoons, plus 1 teaspoon active dry yeast
• 1/4 cup lukewarm water
• 1 3/4 cups buttermilk
• 4 cups bread flour, plus more as needed
• 1/4 cup sugar
• 1 tablespoon, plus 2 teaspoons kosher salt
• 5 tablespoons unsalted butter, room temperature
• Nonstick vegetable oil spray
• Cornmeal as needed
• Lemongrass leaf butter (recipe follows)
• Maldon salt
• Chives, cut into 1-inch-long batons (2 per muffin)

Lemongrass Butter

• 1 to 2 large lemongrass
• 8 tablespoons unsalted butter
• 1 teaspoon kosher salt

English Muffin:

1. Combine the yeast and water in the bowl of a stand mixer outfitted with the dough hook and whisk together to dissolve the yeast. Nuke the buttermilk in the microwave for 20 to 30 seconds, or warm it over low heat in a small pan n the stovetop just until it loses the refrigerator chill; you’re not really heating the buttermilk, but ensuring that chilly milk won’t retard the dough’s rise. Stir the no-longer cold buttermilk into the yeast and water.
2. Add the flour, sugar, and kosher salt to the bowl, turn the miser on to low/medium speed, and process just until it comes together as a shaggy, droopy dough, 3 to 4 minutes.
3. With the mixer still running, add the butter to the dough a tablespoon at a time. (Make sure it’s at room temperature – you’ll overwork the dough trying to incorporate cold butter into it.) The dough will look as if it is separating, and from this point on, it will hang out at the bottom of the bowl, reaching up the dough hook like an appendage of the sandman but never fully coalescing into a ball again. Knead it for 7 to 8 minutes, by which time it should be tacky, but no longer sticky and hold its shape.
4. Lightly spray a large mixing bowl with oil. Using a rubber spatula, scrape the dough from the mixer bowl into the greased bowl. Cover with plastic wrap and leave the dough to rest, relax and rise (though it doesn’t rise so much as it expands in the bowl) for 1 hour.
5. After the dough has risen, put it into the refrigerator for 30 minutes to 1 hour to chill, to make it easier to handle.
6. While the dough’s resting, line a couple of rimmed baking sheets with parchment paper and cover them each with a 1/4-inch-deep layer of cornmeal, into which you will nestle your muffins. (That’s way more cornmeal than will stick to the muffins, but whatever’s left over will be fine to use in another recipe.)
7. Scatter your work surface with a very, very fine dusting of flour, and very lightly flour your hands. Turn the dough out onto the work surface and knead it a few times to deflate it. Shape it into a fat, smooth-ish log. For Ko-sized mini English muffins, pinch off clumps the size of Ping-Pong balls (if you’re working with a scale they should weigh 30 grams). With lightly floured palms, roll the pieces of dough into neat balls, applying as little pressure as possible. The dough should be pillowy and tender and delicate and have the tiniest bit of spring to it. As you shape them, transfer the balls of dough, one by one, to the baking sheet: Nestle each ball of dough into the cornmeal, then pat it down gently so some of the cornmeal adheres to the bottom of the future muffin, grab the ball very gently by its sides (the parts you don’t want cornmeal on), and flip it over, gently patting the cornmeal to so the bottom picks up some of the cornmeal. Leave about an inch between the muffins, giving them enough space to stretch and rise as they may need. You can proceed with the recipe directly, or you can wrap the baking sheets of proofing dough in plastic wrap and put in the fridge to chill for 30 minutes, after which time the muffins will be easier to handle. You can also take a longer break: Wrapped and refrigerated, the muffins will keep (and improve) for up to 3 days.
8. Turn the oven on to 250 degrees. Warm a cast-iron skillet or griddle over the lowest heat setting possible for 5 or so minutes. You should be able to comfortably hold you hand very close to the pan and just feel some radiant heat — nothing that would make you want to pull your hand back. Scatter the pan with a thin, even layer of cornmeal and warm for a minute.
9. Grab the proofed muffins one by one by their un-cornmealed sides, dust off any excess cornmeal clinging to their tops and bottoms (you want a thin even coating, not a thick jacket), and transfer them to the pan, working in batches. This is the all-important nooks-and-crannies-forming stage of English muffin cookery: You want the muffins to rise and griddle-bake slowly. You almost can’t take enough time with this stage. (And if at any point before the final couple of minutes of cooking you smell cornmeal toasting or browning, instead of just warming, turn the heat down.) After about 4 or 5 minutes, their tops will begin to puff and dome – that’s your cue to flip them. Use a small offset spatula to flip them if you have one (and buy one to do so the next time if you don’t, your fingers will leave prints). After 4 or 5 minutes on the second side, the bottoms of the muffins should be forming delicate, but noticeable skins. Flip them again, cook for another 5 to 6 minutes, and then flip them again. The tops and bottoms of the muffins should be firm, but the muffins should still feel airy and light. Once they’re at that point (you may have to gently cook and gently flip them one more time before they get to the “handleably delicate” stage), you can nudge up the heat slightly, and, turning them every 2 to 3 minutes, toast their tops and bottoms. (Here, the smell of toasting cornmeal is okay.)
10. When the muffins are toasted, tops and bottoms mottled with brown, but mainly golden – transfer them to a baking sheet, and put them in the oven for 10 minutes to finish baking. Remove from the oven and let them cool on the baking sheet until they reach room temperature.
11. Use the tines of a fork to puncture an equator of tiny holes around the middle of each muffin, and then pry them apart into two halves. Spread each half with a generous teaspoon of the butter. Heat a cast-iron or other skillet over medium-high heat for a minute or two, until good and hot, and then sear the muffin halves fat side down for 30 or so seconds, until browned and crisped. Sprinkle the muffins with Maldon salt, arrange a couple of chive batons on each, and serve hot.

Lemongrass Butter

• Combine lemongrass, butter and salt in a small saucepan over low heat until butter is melted.
• Strain lemongrass out of the butter.

Our goal: To start cooking in the morning and by evening, present the plated incarnations of our blood, sweat and tears to a roomful of people who presumably would still love us no matter how badly we %^$# this up.

Read on for the menu, logistics, visual carnage, and the glam and not-so-glam results.

The lesson learned: There’s a reason why David Chang is the inimitable David Chang. Viva la meat!

THE MENU

AMUSE

1. House-Made English Muffin with Lemongrass Butter

RAW

1. Roasted Brussels Sprouts and Turnips a la Ssäm Bar

MEAT

1. Korean BBQ Chicken Steamed Buns

EGG

1. Egg-Caviar Nests a la Ko

PASTA

1. Shanghai Stir Fry with Noodles

FISH

1. Scallops with Kohlrabi Purée and Pickled Chanterelles a la Ko

FOIE AND LOBSTER

1. Asian Gnocchi with Lobster
2. Pan-Roasted Dry-Aged Rib Eye a la Ssäm Bar

DESSERT

1. Lemongrass-Verbena Brulée Bites with Brandy Snap Fortunes

THE LOGISTICS

Here’s a rundown of our logistics. Do try this at home — if nothing else, you’ll burn some calories slinging Ko and have a nice adrenal high not unlike running a marathon.

9:30 a.m.

1. Fill camelback with cocktails coffee
2. Get ready to raise your Ko-jo

10:30 a.m.

1. Prep steamed buns — 30 of 45 minutes
2. Prep brulée, preheat oven — 45 minutes
3. Prep and cook kholrabi puree and pickled chanterelles — 40 minutes

11:00 a.m.

1. Prep steamed buns — 15 remaining minutes, plus begin 2 hour rising time
2. Prep remaining brulée — 15 minutes, plus 30 minutes bake time
3. Prep Brandy Snaps — 15 of 30 minutes
4. Finish kholrabi and chanterelles — 10 minutes
5. Prep onion soubise stovetop — 20 minutes, plus 2 1/2 hours cook time

11:30 a.m.

1. Rise buns — 30 of 120 minutes rise time
2. Pull brulées out of oven and refrigerate at least 2 hours
3. Up oven temp to 300 degrees for Brandy Snaps, finish prep — 15 minutes
4. Cook onion soubise — 30 of 150 minutes
5. Marinate BBQ chicken meat in sauce — 30 minutes

12:00 p.m.

1. Prep biscuits dough — 30 of 60 minutes
2. Rise buns — 60 of 120 minutes rise time
3. Bake Brandy Snaps — 12 minutes per batch
4. Roll Brandy Snaps around spoon handle to shape and then rest — 10 minutes
5. Cook onion soubise — 60 of 150 minutes
6. Rest chicken marinade — 30 of 120 minutes
7. Consider nourishing yourself with lunch — 60 seconds
8. Talk selves out of a cocktail — 10 minutes

12:30 p.m.

1. Prep biscuits dough — last 30 minutes
2. Rise buns — 90 of 120 minutes rise time
3. Prep homemade gnocchi — 15 minutes
4. Cook onion soubise — 90 of 150 minutes
5. Rest chicken marinade — 60 of 120 minutes
6. Eat a granola bar
7. Chase granola bar with shot of sake

1:00 p.m.

1. Rise biscuit dough — 30 of 60 minutes
2. Rise buns — last 30 minutes
3. Prep vegetables and sauce for noodles — 30 minutes
4. Prep pickled apples — 30 minutes, 2 or more hours rest time
5. Cook onion soubise — 120 of 150 minutes
6. Rest chicken marinade — 90 of 120 minutes
7. Send David Chang a mental high five, secretly curse him for making it look easy

1:30 p.m.

1. Rise biscuit dough — last 30 minutes
2. Cook noodles in wok — 15 minutes (to be reheated later)
3. Preheat oven to 450 degrees for Roasted Brussels Sprouts and Turnips
4. Prep vegetables, sauce and bake — 60 minutes
5. Cook onion soubise — last 30 minutes
6. Rest chicken marinade — last 30 minutes
7. Punch buns [insert your own joke here] — 10 minutes, plus rest 30 minutes

2:00 p.m.

1. Place dough in fridge — 60 seconds, plus 30 to 60 minutes fridge time
2. Make lemongrass butter — 10 minutes
3. Prep and cook Roasted Brussels Sprouts and Turnips and Puffed Rice — 30 of 60 minutes
4. Cook chicken stovetop — 35 minutes
5. Re-kindle mini sake buzz with another shot — 16 seconds

2:30 p.m.

1. Stare at biscuit dough — 60 seconds, plus 30 minutes more fridge time
2. Roll out buns into pieces — 30 minutes
3. Grate potatoes for nests — 30 minutes
4. Sprinkle sake into dishes randomly when no one is looking
5. Note that David Chang probably doesn’t do this

3:00 p.m.

1. Roll out biscuit dough — 15 minutes, plus 30 minutes fridge more fridge time
2. Fry Potato Nests, then cool on a paper towel — 30 minutes
3. Rise buns — 30 minutes
4. Nibble on cocktail garnish

3:30 p.m.

1. Hang tight with biscuit dough — last 30 minutes in fridge
2. Preheat oven to 250 degrees — 60 seconds
3. Note to self: next time hire the bartender and a dishwasher — 2 minutes

4:00 p.m.

1. Cook/bake biscuits — 30 of 45 minutes
2. Steam buns, cover with towels to keep warm [DIY joke here] — 30 minutes
3. Boil eggs and give ice water bath — 30 minutes
4. Sub out sake shots for sake-tini — 4 minutes
5. Realize pizza could be delivered in 45 minutes, in time for first course

4:30 p.m.

1. Cook biscuits — last 15 minutes
2. Toast biscuits with butter until crispy — 15 minutes
3. Prep herb salad for egg dish — 20 minutes
4. Yell at selves for not hiring an intern — 3 to 5 minutes
5. Clarify, make that a “hot” intern — 3 additional seconds

5:00 Serve House-Made English Muffin with Lemongrass Butter

5:00 p.m.

1. Prep dashi broth for scallops — 5 minutes
2. Heat steamed buns and assemble with chicken and apples — 10 minutes
3. Steal hot biscuit, purely for sampling reasons — 15 seconds if you’re fast
4. Nab a second one, they’re small — 10 seconds if you forego chewing
5. Coerce significant others into starting cocktail hour (use force as necessary)
6. Plate roasted Brussels Sprouts and Turnips

5:15 Serve Roasted Brussels Sprouts and Turnips a la Ssäm Bar

5:30 p.m.

1. Prep potato nest — 10 minutes
2. Assemble egg dish — 10 minutes
3. Plate egg dish with caviar and vinegar — 3 minutes
4. Sake bomb, anyone?

5:45 Serve Korean BBQ Chicken Steamed Buns

6:00 Serve Egg-Caviar Nests a la Ko

6:00 p.m.

1. Re-heat noodle dish stovetop and plate — 10 minutes
2. Cook scallops and assemble/plate — 30 minutes
3. Pre-heat oven for steak — 16 seconds
4. Prep lobster sauce — 15 minutes
5. Heat large pot of water for gnocchi — 15 minutes
6. Re-apply deodorant (liberally) — 3 minutes

6:30 Serve Shanghai Stir Fry with Handmade Noodles

6:30 p.m.

1. Cook lobster, gnocchi and sauce — 30 minutes
2. Prep steak ingredients — 10 minutes
3. Cook steak — 20 minutes
4. Threaten to fire bartender if he doesn’t hustle his tight ^%$^%&$ up

7:00 Serve Scallops with Kohlrabi Puree and Pickled Chanterelles

7:00 p.m.

1. Toss vegetables with dressing and puffed rice
2. Heat large pot of water for steaming lobster — steam lobster, 12 to 15 minutes max, plate and serve at 7:30
3. Cook/rest steak and plate — 15 minutes

7:30 Serve Asian Gnocchi with Lobster, Pan-Roasted Dry-Aged Rib Eye a la Ssäm Bar

7:30 p.m.

1. Stuff Brandy Snaps with fortunes — 3 minutes
2. Fire top of brulée with torch — 2 minutes
3. Plate brulée bites and Brandy Snaps fortune cookies
4. Tailor fortune cookies with passive-aggressive statements and interventions (guests love the element of surprise, especially when personalized)
5. Blame off-color fortunes on high-pressure environment and your sake-infused bloodstream

8:00 Serve Lemongrass-Verbena Brulée Bites with Brandy Snap Fortunes

8:00 p.m.

1. Read fortunes — 60 seconds
2. Add “in bed” to end of fortunes, hope for the best
3. Offer extra dessert as incentive

The End.